~Summer Dreams~

The New Me... Massive Rebranding...

2008-10-30T08:16:00.000-07:00

Well..after having several chat with old pals and even older acquainteances, i find that i have really changed a lot. I think i truly have been misunderstood. I find that the persona that i project is very different from who I really am.

Im just your normal boy, who just wants to find his place on this earth and eventually settle down with the girl that he cant live without.

Like what my MA prof says... " If my wife is gone before i do, i would not know what to do... She completes me and to me, she is just the greatest thing that has happened to me.."

Sweet stuff, my prof... In a way, I wish to experience what he is feeling... but sometimes my persona gets the better of me and forming relationships just seems like a faraway dream...

What you see today is what you get, don't judge me for what i did.. Judge me for what i am... right here right now...

Studying hard...Tough choices... Just Living...

2008-10-23T20:20:00.000-07:00

You know how it feels when you are just overwhelmed with work and there just seems to be no direction in life... Feeling that right now, but worried? Nah. In fact, a certain peace and serenity seems to have squeezed itself into this hectic life. I'm not bitter nor do I regret the things i have done or not done. In fact my clear understanding of my current predicament actually confounds me. When I'm suppose to be tearing my hair off and breakdown under the constant pressure, I have found time to update this little blog of which i thought i have forsaken (: Life is great despite the crap that comes with it. Just glad that I'm still alive for another day to enjoy the rain that pels on my head when I trudge my way to school.

Anyway, to be loved or to love? Its a quesiton that i have asked time and time again, always not getting a satisfactory answer.

Loving someone > someone loves you

Advantages:
You know that it someone you like with 100% confidence
You feel like the effort is worth it all
Good things don't come without effort (:
Extra bonus if the person becomes a person that like you as much as you like them
No "I could have better" complex

Disadvantages:
It sucks big time when you get turned down
You are never certain how things will turn out
You'll have less comparative advantage
No price setting power

You love someone < someone loves you

Advantages:
You know someone likes you with 100% confidence
You feel like you no need to put in effort
Someone is going after me = high demand = high price = inflated ego
Extra bonus if you start to like the person more and more and the disparity disappears
Attains " I am better" complex

Disadvantage:
It sucks big time when you turn the person down
You'll have less motivation to compete = diminshed competitive power
You are quite certain how things will turn out
Price setters are susceptible to second mover advantage.

Just some random stuff.. hahaha...

"I see men, but they look like trees, walking"

2008-08-05T02:06:00.000-07:00

Men looking like trees? This man must be half blind. Tecnically, I guess you can call me blind. Blind to the pains, sufferings and needs of the people around me. Long have I made do with all the decadence and debauchery around me, that somehow along the way, I've gotten desensitzed to everything. The violence, the lust, the endless late nights and the idolatory of all things in the world. I have not seen the people around me as they really are.

I could see what i want to see, but the unwanted always deviates from my vantage point.

Wo Hai Neng Ai Shui......

2008-07-28T20:30:00.000-07:00

Just had one of the wildest night i had in a long while. Nah, Its not clubbing...

It was KARAOKE NIGHT!

woohooo. To all those who responded to my desperate plea over facebook, MSN and othe possible P2P platforms: Thanks!

To all those who didn't come: Wished you were there! there's always next week.. Hahah. Can never get enough of it. (:

Anyway, it ended with only a trio of us. Junbin - Emo/ Duo Qing Wang Zhi, Lili - Rocker/ Yao Gun Princess and Me!

Quite an eclectic mix. Different styles but similar zaniness. We sang Hokkien Songs a la "Ji Ba Ban (If I have a Million Dollars)" and " Ai Pia Jia E Ea (Must Fight then can Win)" Did some cross gender pairings for our duets and we basically belted the night away. We were exuding pure emotion I tell ya. From concocting wierd mambo moves for sombre songs like JuHuaTai ( Sunflower Tile) and oldies like BaoBeiDuiBuqi (Baby, Sorry) to screaming our throats out for insane songs like Shi Le Dou Yao Ai (Die also must Love) and Fly Away.

It's really an amazing experience. It was a night of joy, tears, madness and calm. (:

P.S The English titles i give might be a little skewed. But hey, what can you expect from an AC boy right. Haha

Just for the ludicrousness of the lyrics, i dedicate this next half of my entry to the English Translation of Ji Ba Ban ( If I had a Million Dollars). Enjoy!

JI BA BAN

If I have got one million, one million,
I got one million, my whole life no worries,

Never say nobody knows, say already very shy,
Eat until so big, never sat on a plane before,

Worked so hard for so many years, no car no house and also no lover,
See people get married and do business, got money and got success,

If I have got one million, I wanna sit on a plane,
I wanna explore the world, Hawaii to sun bath,
Japan eat sushi ( treat you eat sushi )

If I have got one million, I wanna buy car buy house,
Eat all the delicacies of the world,
Who got the good luck, Be my girl

If I have got one million, one million,
I got one million, my whole life no worries,

Never say nobody knows, say already very shy,
Eat until so big, never sat on a plane before,

Worked so hard for so many years, no car no house and also no lover,
See people get married and do business, got money and got success,

If I have got one million, I wanna sit on a plane,
I wanna explore the world, Italy drink coffee,
Road side eat spaghetti ( road side eat spaghetti )

If I have got one million, I wanna buy car buy house,
Buy shop to collect rent, easy easy no need to work,
Bring dog go for a walk,

If I have got one million, one million,
If you need to borrow money, just open your mouth and ask
and no need shy shy,

If I have got one million, one million,
Ten thousand eight thousand take go and use,
No need to pay back also no problem ( pay back money not a problem )

If I have got one million, one million,
Wei friend, you think one million a lot ah?

Simply Ridiculous... (:

Blast From the Past.

2008-07-28T19:46:00.000-07:00

Found some old designs from the past..

Elegant evening dress..
Really see this as a red number..
Made of soft satin..
One of my Favs..

One of those summer designs..

A light yellow brown dress with a cashmere khaki jacket..

This material is hard to explain..

Its one of those stretchy kinds, soft and slightly rubbery in texture..

Haha, thousand points to the first person who knows what it is ..

Cocktail Dress..

Black silk with optional hand gloves..

Might do well with a dark hue of blue too..

Nice.. (:

I'll be really glad if someone can help me sew this up, it'll be like a dream come true. (:

Newer designs coming up (:

The Exposition

2008-07-23T05:33:00.000-07:00

Well like a good literature student(which I'm not), i thought I'll give my 5 cents worth on this song in my previous post. I guess this song explores the circularity of life, and the importance of differences. To have the good without the bad and the smiles without the sad. It just would hold no meaning. I know this might go into a full blown debate on whether the positives are based on a benchmark of negativeness, and failing this a positive spectrum would hold no meaning whatsoever. So I guess, undergoing trials in one's finite life, is a natural progression to an eternity of satisfaction. Haha. Warped logic there. But seriously folks, reflect back to the days when you had not a worry in the world and everything was just fine and dandy and compare it with the intermittent happiness you gain now. Isn't the moments now more meaningful?

As an Economics student, lets put this relationship into equation.

In the Equation,

y = (x2)(b1)(x1) + u

The correlation factor (b1) between y (the cardinal gauge of happiness after calamity) and x1 ( arbitrary trials and tribulation gauge) would be positive. x2 would be a dummy variable which would indicate a -1 when the person in testing is a female and a 1 if it was a male. Tests have shown that when women are unhappy, they tend to have lingering unhappiness, moodiness and.... (based on a small sample size of my mum and sisters) Whereas when guys get unhappy, a few jokes and a couple of smacks on the back would be enough to bring them back to the path of happiness. (based on a large sample size of boys in my 10 years at an all boys school). u represents the error term.

So there you have it. Although sadness would eventually bring about great joy. This might not apply to all people. (: Applied Econometrics applied into daily life.

(This theory a just a contrived attempt to justify my passion in Economics and to fill up my new blog. SO please don't blame me. This theory was done with a very biased sample size to begin with, so they are definitely not your best linear unbiased estimators (BLUE).

ok. thats enough philosophy and economics for now. toodles.

Life is Wonderful...

2008-07-23T05:14:00.000-07:00

It takes a crane to build a crane
It takes two floors to make a story
It takes an egg to make a hen
It takes a hen to make an egg
There is no end to what I'm saying

It takes a thought to make a word
And it takes some words to make an action
And it takes some work to make it work
It takes some good to make it hurt
It takes some bad for satisfaction

It takes a night to make it dawn
And it takes a day to make you yawn brother
And it takes some old to make you young
It takes some cold to know the sun
It takes the one to have the other

And it takes no time to fall in love
But it takes you years to know what love is
And it takes some fears to make you trust
It takes some tears to make it rust
It takes the dust to have it polished

It takes some silence to make sound
And it takes a loss before you found it
And it takes a road to go nowhere
It takes a toll to make you care
It takes a hole to make a mountain

I love this song..... Really puts things in perspective.. (:

Thank God for Food... Amen.

2008-07-21T02:14:00.000-07:00

Had a great revelation today when JB mentioned that this was the first time he saw me saying grace. Faced with this situation a year ago, I would probably shy away in embarassment. But now, I've been freed of this fetters. I'm not embarassed that it took me so long to be passionate about my faith. The fact that I have even undergone this transformation is a joy in itself. I guess I owe this all to SMU Christian Fellowship. My eyes were finally opened to what it means to truly live as a Christian. To be totally immersed in His ways and to simply worship him with all my life.

You know this is a rather liberating experience, for once in my life I'm finally not cumbered with what the world thinks about me now. Its' gonna be wierd not drinking after gaining a reputation like Saint Liver or not dance my Wednesdays away as the Mambo King. Its gonna be tough and it ought to be. Seriously, Christianity isn't something that we can conveniently put into our lives and be hunky dory about it. There will be trials and constant temptations from the world. In a way, without a better word of expressing it, it is the "Inconvenient Truth". But this truth is really the only truth that matters in our lives, isn't it? The ways of the world just does not conform with the ways of the Lord. Years of trying to reconcile these two ways only led me to greater distress and disastisfaction with my personal life. There isn't really much compromise huh? (:

I guess this ain't gonna be easy, but I believe that with the continual support from my family and my brothers and sisters in Christ, the journey will be a lot more smooth and pleasant. The Lord has been gracious with me thus far and I believe that his eye will always be with the sparrow, through the elements and time.

Hmm.. actually, I'll like to take this time to thank some of the people who really helped me see the light:

SMU BOSS and OnTrac: I wasn't credited any e-dollars during the summer *&@#%! , so no summer term for me and I was coerced to an internship and facilitation for StarringSMU. If not for the influence from Gabriel during matric day and constant prompting from JB in the office, I would not have taken the first step into Christian Fellowship Camp.
(Note: Although the school systems really drive me mad at times, God works through them once in a while (: )

JB and Gab: JB for always reminding me that there is a Christian Fellowship in school and Gabriel for just being there at the right place at the right time.

My Bros And Sisters in Christ in SMUCF: Your sharing and insights have been valuable and the fellowship we had (Saboteur Games, MOODS method acting and endless high octane jokes etc.) are some of the best moments I had in my life.

My Men Small Group: Haha.. This might look wierd to other people, but for those that understand, this is for you. Thank you for the book sharings through the months. I've really come to understand the nuances of being a true Man of God.

Last but not least: My family: Thanks for always being there for me. Although I've been distant at times, your importance to me has never waned. When I had that long talk with Mum and Dad about my own revelation after the camp, it was really one of the most precious times I ever had. Two hours of talking, just the three of us, talking about the wonders of His Love.

So where do I go from here.... I guess with God as my Guide, I can't possibly go wrong from here on.. (:

Guilty of Love in the First Degree

2008-07-21T00:52:00.000-07:00

Life isn't going to be the same. I'm now guilty of love in the first degree. (:

*~Summer Dreams~*